I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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