Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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