sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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