by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
