i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
