...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
