people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
