Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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