At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
