we made out on top of his cat.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
