So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
