finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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