plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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