Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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