just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
