You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
