Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
