based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
