I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
