Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
