get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
