i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
