Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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