She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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