i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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