She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
time to smoke my breakfast
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
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he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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