When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
