I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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