she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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