i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
