Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
