She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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