i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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