Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
