remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
