There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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