i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
