the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
