so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
