You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize