Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
