So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
