he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
