people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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