the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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