I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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