At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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