Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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