i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
