therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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