Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
