I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
