My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
