U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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