I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
