shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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