i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
