So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
