no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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