my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
