i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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