we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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