Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
