Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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