I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
