went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This baby is an asshole
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
