you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
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can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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