Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
home. puking in laundry basket.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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