So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I did not marry a roomba.
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