Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
