i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
