At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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