he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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