i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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